OH MY GOSH!!

IF YOU LIVE HERE IN TEXAS YOU PROBABLY HEARD A STRANGE NOISE TODAY AROUND NOON...IT WAS ME SCREAMING!

I CAME HOME FROM RUNNING ERRANDS THIS MORNING PUSHED THE GARAGE DOOR OPENER & AS I DROVE UP THE DRIVEWAY I SPOTTED A SNAKE MAKING IT'S WAY INTO THE GARAGE...I PUSHED THE BUTTON AGAIN THINKING IT WOULD EITHER SCARE IT AWAY OR COME DOWN ON IT...NOPE, NEITHER! IN THE GARAGE IT WENT! I AM SURE I WAS A SIGHT...STANDING ON A COOLER USING JAMIE'S HOCKEY STICK TO MOVE THINGS AROUND...HONEY, WHEN YOU GET HOME THE GARAGE WILL BE CLEANED OUT & NOTHING WILL TOUCH THE GROUND!...ANYWAY, I FINALLY FOUND THE SNAKE & BANGED THE HOCKEY STICK TO MAKE IT MOVE TOWARDS THE GARAGE DOOR, WELL ON IT'S WAY OUT IT SLITHERED UP A WALL INTO A FOLDING CHAIR. I USED THE HOCKEY STICK...I'M STILL ON THE COOLER...AND PUSHED/THREW THE CHAIR TO THE DRIVEWAY. I THOUGHT THE SNAKE WOULD JUST LEAVE, NO SO I STARTED SMACKING THE CHAIR WITH THE HOCKEY STICK, I MUST HAVE INJURED THE SNAKE BECAUSE IT STARTED HISSING AT ME...IT THEN PROCEEDED TO SLITHER IT'S WAY UNDER THE SUBURBAN & THEN UP INTO THE ENGINE AREA. I QUICKLY TURNED THE SUBURBAN ON & WATCHED FOR IT TO SLITHER OUT...NOTHING. AFTER ABOUT 5 MINUTES I TURNED THE ENGINE OFF BUT STILL WATCHED AS I WANTED TO SEE THE SNAKE LEAVE...AFTER ABOUT A MINUTE I SEE/HEAR A THUD...THE SNAKE FELL OUT FROM THE ENGINE AREA ALMOST DEAD! I THEN MOVED THE COOLER & GRABBED A SHOVEL TO MAKE SURE IT WAS DEAD...I THEN MOVED IT OVER TO THE EMPTY LOT BY OUR HOUSE BUT THE SNAKE WAS STILL WIGGLING...I PUT THE SNAKE DOWN & WHACKED HIS HEAD OFF...I AM READY TO MOVE TO THE CITY!!WHO NEEDS GRASS???MY KIDS CAN PLAY AT A PARK!